Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
