I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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