I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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