youre lurking in front of me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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