they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
