Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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