The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Floor bacon is actually really good
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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