I need help removing her.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
