All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize