omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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