i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
