Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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