I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
