No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
