Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
