this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
