I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
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She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
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DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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