tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize