But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Randomize
