at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
