Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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