there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
