I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
