There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i will never coherently bang her
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
