I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
