i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i think my cat just said my name.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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