He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
