If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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