I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
