No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
