This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
