How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
