In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
