I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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