honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i came on her dog
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
