I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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