I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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