I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
