i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
