can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
