Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
