The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
