the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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