Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
