I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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