Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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