Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
