I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
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You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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