all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
