wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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