ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
