How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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