Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
