Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
