i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
