I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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