Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
